(Let me just preface this note with saying that I am NOT in any way speaking about my own husband Eric. In fact, I am quite lucky.)

Over this past month I've come across quite a few men that in conversation have seemingly done their darnest to show to me their "tough side". They fit everything stereotypical of what THEY BELIEVED a REAL MAN was....and seemed quite proud of it. At first I found myself unimpressed, then sad....now...slightly angry.

Here is what my simple 3-step definition of a REAL MAN is:

1. A real man honors his wife. She should never for a second doubt that she is loved and valued.

2. A real man takes care of his children. Not only from the financial sense, but help them grow into their strength as human beings.

3. A real man praises God for his successes and prays for guidance throughout tough times.

Done.

I do not understand why....I swear to God Almighty I do not understand why...but I am increasingly becoming fascinated by Pie Birds. They seem so delicate and beautiful and intimate. Warm and sweet and pleasant. They have a specific and necessary purpose, making pies turn out wonderful. That seems like an amazing task to have in life. Can you imagine if that was your end goal for your life, to provide sweet happiness? Who doesn't love pie? All this tiny creature does is make things better.

Whenever Eric and I travel together we try to find a Christmas ornament to hang on our tree. That is the only thing I collect. We currently have ornaments from Nashville, Montreal, New Orleans, Tucson and Washington D.C. After this year is over hopefully we will have ornaments from Spain, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Malta and Seattle.

Now....I want Pie Birds. I want TONS of them. I want friends to bring me Pie Birds from their travels and I will be forever grateful. I'll replace my future emotional eating episodes with trips on Google and Etsy and search for sweet completeness in the form of a 3-inch ceramic steam pastry escaper. It's all I can do to not go online now and buy 4 & 20 of them. I want to "own" their simplistic, sweet life.

Perhaps one day I'll also bake a pie.

So on FACEBOOK within the "relationship status" area there is a range of various status levels one can choose.....Married, Single, Networking, In A Relationship, Divorced, blah, blah, blah. There is also one titled, "It's Complicated."

Lately.....I'm noticing various people changing their status levels from "Married" to "It's Complicated" and back again.....over and over. It's ticking me off.

My first thought/response upon seeing this was aimed directly to the person, chastising them for being a big pussy. Now I'm thinking about the title itself. One blanket statement really does sum it all up.

MARRIED.....hell yeah it's complicated. It's without question the most complicated endeavor you will ever experience. It's miserable, it's wonderful....it's nights when you are pissed off at your spouse and you long for the days when they went back to their own apartment and left you the hell alone. But you can't. You figure it out. You make things work. You talk and solve and promise and you try. You stick it out cause in this world marriage is one of the few things that isn't easy. That is what is so blessed about it. It's one of the few true things that one can EARN in this world. It's something that you build day by day by day. By giving it your all you forge your character and thus a life that you never dreamed could be so wonderful. Nothing that is worthwhile comes easy. And marriage is one of the most worthwhile things on this earth.

So stop going back and forth between MARRIED and IT'S COMPLICATED. We know it's complicated. It's also wonderful and easy and worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it. Suck it up and work it out.

Marriage is the hardest thing one will ever do......and it's the greatest accomplishment you'll ever have.

Leslie Link-Mitchell: Status: MARRIED

I did it. I fought Banana Bread and won.....I WON!!!!!!

All the burnt loaves, all the nasty smells that came out of my kitchen.....all the "raw" middle sections that wouldn't cook while everything around it blackened. Eric fought me endlessly as I would throw countless loaves into the trash and he'd reclaim them.....but this time I did it.

This recipe is healthy, delicious, moist and flavorful. It cooks all the way through!!!! I pass this recipe on to you, this cumulation of trials and errors and various gives and takes of recipes past...and enjoy it so that you do not have to suffer as I did.

Leslie’s Triumphant Banana Bread

INGREDIENTS

• 3-4 ripe bananas
• 11/2 cups whole wheat flour
• 3/4 cup Raw Agave Nectar
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 cup applesauce
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg


DIRECTIONS

Mash up bananas and add to all ingredients
together in one bowl. Mix well. Pour into a greased & floured loaf pan.

BAKE at 325˚degree for 50 minutes. Test with toothpick. Enjoy!

SUBSTITUTION: If no Raw Agave Nectar, use 1 cup sugar and set temperature at 350˚ degrees.

Life has not been all that fun as of late. The economy sucks, I'm not as busy as I'd like to be, it's February in Chicago and my toes and fingers are eternally cold. I just designed my butt off for 2 days on a logo that I came to find out the client only budgeted $200 for. I'm growing more and more grumpy. Then last night I went to a memorial.

It was a memorial we all should hope for. People, people and more people busting through the seams of this funeral home on this freezing night, not a parking space for 4-6 blocks could be found. Everyone was shoulder to shoulder, and the chatter was lively. The stories told about this woman confirmed my own impressions of her: Gutsy, lively and loving. Stories ranged from the sweet and sincere angelic kind, to the downright dirty and hysterical. I could imagine her in heaven (a heaven that no doubt resembled D'Agostinos bar) with a drink in hand, loving it.

I felt good having to have met her....I felt bad for "feeling bad" the last week or so.

In my office there is a large yellow Post-it that has written my GOALS for the rest of my life. It's been here for the past 5 years. It reads.

GOALS
• Be a great writer
• Be a better runner
• Have my own family
• Design my own home
• Travel & Perform
• Learn to Snowboard
• Go Whitewater Rafting
• Visit Ireland

I laid in bed last night and my mind traced to the fact that this woman died suddenly. The way I've been acting/feeling lately, if I died tomorrow, what would be left unsaid? So....if I die today, here's how I feel about it.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME - JUST KNOW....

I'm good with it. Me and God are tight and it was my turn. I didn't get to say when I started, I don't get to say where it ends. It's really okay.

I would have liked to have done more......maybe left a few things not done, but I got to do a lot and I'm grateful. I love my job as a designer....know that I'm good at it and enjoy it. So very grateful for improvisation and comedy. It saved me at a time I needed saving and didn't know it. It taught me so much about myself and helped me grow into the person I became. I met some of my very dearest friends through improvisation and I can't imagine my life without them. My family is great, thank you to my parents for giving me a realistic-yet-loving view of marriage. Thank you for staying married for over 40 years and giving me the foundation to live solidly on this earth. Thank you for introducing religion and giving me that foundation as well. Thank you Dad for being open and growing yourself as we got older so that you could become my friend. I love my nieces and nephews and want nothing more than their dreams to come true.

When I think of friends I'm amazed. People who know how crazy I am and love me anyway. I think of times at Iowa State, Phoenix, The OxyMoron'z, The Rays, Dan Ryan's Sports Grill, Dry Heat, Chicago and Girly. I think of my brothers as adults rather than us as kids. Moments in life that created me. People I can call when I'm freaked out and can just explode onto without hestitation. People sleeping on the floor of my studio apartment in the freezing winter. When it comes to my friends I truly won the lottery.

The best is saved for last with Eric. My heart won't let me write it here.

In a world of "expanding isolation" you would think with things like MySpace, Twitter, Facebook and whatever else that we would feel more "known" in the world. Isn't that what we are all trying to do? The further away life takes us away from each other the closer we want to be. We're all shouting, screaming for people to truly give a crap about us that we write it out hoping someone reads....but in truth....I don't need everyone in the universe to know me....cause I'm not going to know you. It's those handful of people that I already know - the relationships I've already built - that I need to strengthen. I'm no doubt writing this for them.....but mostly for myself.

So right now...yes, it's effing cold outside and I wish there were more to keep me busy. I wish times weren't tough for people. I wish a lot of things really. But if I died tomorrow....all I wish is that you know I loved you.