The Dandelion Adventure

It's been a while since my last posting, which was about me training for the Boston Marathon. After I wrote that, I had an inkling that the training would encompass my heart, soul and legs for a good half of the next year, so I figured I'd need to give that particular writing it's own home. You can read every step of my training up through a couple days after the race at the following site:

www.600milestoboston.com

Now I'm back. The race is over, although parts of my body still ache. I can't really run more than 5 miles without feeling either pain in my left knee, or the ache of knowing there is no new challenge on the horizon. There's no goal for me to conquer.

I'm not at a crossroads, I'm at a dead end. I don't know what's next.

There's no going backward. There won't be anymore IO improv teams or sketch comedy shows, no more Boston Marathons. But I don't know what's next. I wish I did. I want to be excited about my life, fulfilled by it, and I long to discover something that reveals another layer of myself to me. I have interests. I am enjoying cooking more and more. I'm curious how the stock market works and investing. Trouble is, I'm not sure if these are "the next great thing."

Eric told me once that one of the reasons he fell in love with me was because of my drive, my passion. Right now I don't seem to have any.....or at least it's in a holding pattern waiting for me to give it something to be passionate about. As much as Eric loves that part of me, so do I. I'm not at the "totally freaked out scared that I'll never have passion again" level, but I'm at Defcon 3. Something needs to happen soon.

Both the Dali Llama and the back section of Oprah's magazine advise that if you don't know what the next step is to simply "BE" and it will come to you. BE. Stay still and BE. Calm, breathe, quiet and wait. That "next great thing" I am supposed to become will happen.

As much as I want to believe that, I keep thing of the words of Tom Petty. "The Waiting Is The Hardest Part".

So I have Oprah, Dali Llama....and Tom Petty swirling around in my head.

Maybe I'll sign up for a cooking class. Yeah, when you don't know what to do, just BE, only with knives.